Speaking to the dead

Roxie Kaye McBride, 1954 - 2010

This space is dedicated to my mother who passed on December 30th of 2010. She was the most generous, kind, and loving person I have met. She taught me to dream, use my imagination, seek knowledge, and wish to be my best.

In my last moments with her before she passed, I found with her and within myself some truths that shook my perceptions of the universe to the very core.

I learned that much of what I am, is what she created. I am responsible for being the best me possible. No less and no more.

I witnessed that when her end came she had no cares for grudges, slights, resentments, or intolerance. The end of her life overflowed with her amazing grace. She fully accepted without reservation those many people she'd loved and touched in her time here on this earth.

I realized from her passing that our time here in this life is filled with fleeting opportunities. The greatest of these is to give of ourselves. To love without ego or condition. To connect honestly and authentically with ourselves and others. To discover our own truths. To expect nothing. Be attached to nothing. Be deliriously happy with the beauty and joy in each moment.

Her passing has inspired me to joust at windmills. I learned from her the strength to face my own delusions. To find truth through the brambles of what I wish to be true. To examine every unicorn and fairy. To replace them with nothing banal, but rather with a passionate sense of wonder and curiosity in truly beholding and accepting the separation of the known and the unknown.

I believe we have arrived in time to witness this extraordinary moment in the universe. Enormous power is ours because we are both actors and observers in our own realities and in the cosmos we inhabit. We are likely the most technologically advanced, gifted, and fortunate forms of life within many hundreds of light years. A miracle of nature that testifies to the elegance and beauty of the universe.

This message I send back in time. Mother, you've given me the greatest possible gift. Life. I am grateful for my life, and proud of yours. I never knew how deep your strength of character, dignity, or grace were until you were dying.

I will authentically experience my feelings of missing you. I accept the biochemistry of my grief. I also embrace the delirious sensation of joy because I think that we are still playing as 4 year old and mother in a different point of reference in time. I deeply cherish that moment and thousands of others. I believe they continue to exist. Mother, I will board my time machine frequently and witness our joy, our bond, and our love. I will miss you deeply in my ever proceeding experience and awareness of "now". This sense of time is my tribute to you. A leap of faith in honor of yours.

Mother, know how deeply I adore you, and that I also know that nothing between us but love is important. I deny my perception and experience of time as a linear and unstoppable dimension. I love, loved, loving, will love you. Always, now, before, and forever into the deepest reaches of eternity. Infinite in all directions and at all times. Perfect.